After running through the five stages of grief, she flees to her room, slamming the door—but not before sticking it to you with three choice words. The event that precipitated it is upstream. If you dwell on what happens downstream, like taking away privileges, the issue upstream will just keep flowing. You need to focus on what really is making your child upset. But first, give her some time to calm down. Then figure out some way to meet in the middle. Read more: 7 ways to deal with a defiant kid 29 toddler discipline tactics that work.
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If you need more help remaining calm, understanding your child's anger and explosions, or you just need to know you are not alone. You are in the right place.
In fact, I have a few resources I think you might find helpful. I would love to know if this works for you and your family. Once we started using this phrase every time there was a meltdown or every time my son lashed out at me or Mr. Lemon, one of us would remind the other of these three simple words. It was the beginning of our relationship changes and opened the door to allow us to help our son through his emotions instead of shutting down or responding out of anger.
Comment below or share on Facebook how these three words change your perspective when your child says "I hate you. I completely agree. It happens later when the child is calm and collected. What about when the child says I hate you, go away, when not in a meltdown nor when upset but seemingly as just a test?
We need strength and security. Oh well I love you. Go away and come back when you want to be nice. She gets upset and may cry more because she feels worse after saying something that she knows is mean or hurtful. Thanks for this post! You cannot always just rationalize away what you are being told like an ostrich with its head in the sand. Im sorry that you grew up that way. But I fully agree with what you said. You never know how a child really feels.
I definitely see a difference in the relationship with each of us and our child. She had ten children and she raised my younger brother also. She was a very sweet lady and we all loved her so much. I was about ten years old and my best friend spent the night, and went to church with us the next day. My girlfriend kept whispering during the whole preaching service, before long my grandmother took us both out in the hall.
Do we understand each other? Children understand a lot more than we give them credit for. And they must feel safe to know someone is in charge of them…all the time! Sounds odd but if we parents become friends instead of parents we are showing bendable breakable boundaries! N they will never take you seriously nor will they take life seriously. When no means no. Not no not no well ok maybe later — poof they got you! So i hate you to me means i did my job.
Your email address will not be published. I know you want a quick fix. You want your child to just stop saying it because you told them to stop saying it.
However, when your child is in a heightened emotional state they are not ready to learn. Your child seems to be constantly angry, irritable, and unwilling to cooperate. Sometimes they become violent, throwing things, hurting themselves or others.
You know your child. Therapy will give your child the skills they need to manage their big emotions in a healthy way. My goal is to help you feel less angry, manage anxiety, talk to your kids with empathy, and learn to discipline without punishment.
If you are frustrated, stuck or unsure how to make changes in your parenting, I provide online Parent Coaching sessions in the US and internationally.
Comments have been turned off to retain the privacy of all families. Privacy Policy and Blog Disclaimer. Email Facebook Instagram Pinterest. The words hang in the air as you stand there unable to move.
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